oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
