Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
