The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
