Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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