ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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