so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
