Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well I just put wine in my tea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
