u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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