fuck your aforementioned shoe
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Who put my cat in the fridge?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
