if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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