Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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