RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
