He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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