Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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