She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
