hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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