Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
