Grow some girl-balls and come out already
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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