i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
