singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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