Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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