I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We got so high we made milksteak
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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