You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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