Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So much rum. So many feels.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
