i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
