I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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