So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
