When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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