I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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