she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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