Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
