guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
