i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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