We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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