He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
