It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
