I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
