hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
