Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
