we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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