apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
