My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
