No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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