You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
