just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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