Capitaan dildo arrescate!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
