I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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