his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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