if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
