My underwear smells like fireworks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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