i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
