That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
