He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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