Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
