i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
