He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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