There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
