My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
