Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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