I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
