I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
