Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
