About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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