shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
