Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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