Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
