I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
