We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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